Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
