Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
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we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
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6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize