it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
