HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
