Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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