I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
