made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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