My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
