This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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