whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'd cum for enchiladas.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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