i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
