There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize