with your own penis?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
