dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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