So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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