somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
