WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
