i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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