We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think people are normalizing furries
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
