I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
