do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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