She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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