Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You ate ashes out of my bong
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
