So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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