I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
