I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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