i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
