It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
