nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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