I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
