The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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