The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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