Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
