If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
