The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
