I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
