Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
