I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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