Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize