It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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