the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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