If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
