I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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