perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
