you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
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it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
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Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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