He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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