I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
