so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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