u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Jerry, you need to find god
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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