What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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