...so i touched it.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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