I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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