yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
