What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
