Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
