I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
