Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
