Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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