Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
