So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
