this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
